In Death, There is Beauty (and yet i still dream of love)
In Death, There is Beauty (and yet i still dream of love) expands on and mythologizes the lived realities of transgender Filipinas. A funeral wreath looms in the background, a haunting reminder that for many Filipina trans women, simply existing can mean risking everything, even life itself. Yet a funeral wreath is also made of flowers, a symbol of spring, rebirth, and femininity.
Shot using a medium format film camera, the project was born during a period of deep despair in my life following the end of my romantic relationship with a cis heterosexual man. The breakup left me a shattered woman. As I mourned the loss of love—and the validation that I am worthy of affection as a trans person—I sank into hopelessness and eventually contemplated suicide. In the face of cold grief, I turned to my community for warmth. There, I realized that as a trans Filipina, my sorrow was not only emotional but also political, historical, and communal.
From that place of darkness and solidarity, In Death, There is Beauty (and yet i still dream of love) emerged: a visual love letter to my community and an act of defiance against a society that seeks to erase our existence. The project remains rooted in my ongoing practice as a transgender woman photographing other trans women. In this series, they appear as diwatas—sacred spirits or nymphs drawn from Filipino mythology, reimagined through a trans lens. The series unfolds like a story, beginning with Fatalism—an acceptance of death as part of the trans identity—then moving through the stages of Grief in a winding, nonlinear manner as I processed my heartbreak, and finally culminating in Healing and Blossoming.
Ultimately, this work seeks to challenge dominant narratives and question the positioning that trans people are grotesque "Others". I want to illuminate trans Filipinas not as objects of scrutiny or pity, but as beautiful and radiant individuals. In the face of pain and marginalization, we continue to dream of love. That, too, is a form of resistance.
